The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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