end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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