One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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