arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
