he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
