I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
