What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
