I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
