I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
