Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
