Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize