I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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