i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
How's work?
Spinning.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
