the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
