I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
