My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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