Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
If I die, sorry about rent.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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