Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
