in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
