i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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