im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
