The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
