Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Drunk is not a location!
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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