Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Just pee around me
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
