I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
