wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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