you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
