Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
