"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
