which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
