Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
