just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
