Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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