Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
