this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
