I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
