party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.ā€¯ \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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