Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I want to fling myself into the sun
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
