Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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