I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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