if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I can't turn off my feet"
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
