I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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