Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
