I wish I only lived at night.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
