what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
