I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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