i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
COCAINE IS GR8
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
