No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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