In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
