Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
