Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
