The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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