I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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