3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
