Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
