it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
