I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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