Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
